To: SPARTAN FILTER
From: Z.MASSANI

I don't suppose you could relinquish one of your warthogs for us--"us" being myself and any of your lot--to see if it can be equipped to accept an oxygen-hydrogen fuel cell and micro-thrusters? Your girl, One, knows me if you don't.

Had this crazy idea.

[ the video feed blinks on ]

A pesky and freakishly sentient bar ( Read more... )

 [ Hello, Sacrosanct. Look at your man, sadly he isn't this Arabian Stallion right here. ]

Funny, this takes me back to this one...-

Right, fuck it. The blue bitch has won this round. I do not actually have an experience I can spin into an anecdote vaguely related to the situation at hand. Found the other half of my face, though. That was nice.

But ( Read more... )

[ There's no video feed or grandiose introduction; there's just a five second buzz of static followed by Zaeed's voice coming in low, and heavy. ]

At 0200 hours of June fifth, I attempted contact with Normandy crewman, Thane Krios'. After repeatedly trying to get on his- his goddamn channel, I- [ no hitch in his breathe as he momentarily goes very, ( Read more... )

Fuck it, everyone. Never sell out your friends, but this is just getting silly.

That little kerfuffle with the water supply was entirely an accident, and I should know--I was there. What the lot of you just went through is called Drell Contact Syndrome, in polite company. Anywhere else, we just always called it a bad case of the lizard licks. More ( Read more... )

Massani here. Don't know me? Don't care, shut up and listen.

So, I've been thinking. For me, the list of ways I do not wish to go out is a hell of a lot shorter than the Would Be Nice and Only Mildly Inconvenient lists. Right now, it's only got two. Dying in my sleep or getting my head blown clear off by some sorry jackass who doesn't know if the ( Read more... )

Bar in R03. If you've got a liver and taller than a bar stool, I'm buying ( Read more... )

Let me just start by saying, Garrus Vakarian has no passion when it comes to murdering strange and previously undiscovered alien species. We space faring types have to learn how to care about the xenos of lesser intelligence we blast into extinction because they rub us the wrong way. Especially when those tencious little bitches rub acid all over ( Read more... )

[ZAEED AND PIRATE HAT, SITTIN' IN THE BUSHES GOD KNOWS WHERE, H-U-N-G-O-V-E-R ♪]

These...these are bushes. That, and the location of my party hat are the two things I know right now. That's about all I can garner from last nights festivities.

...Jesus wept.

Can't say I've ever been in a position where there were doppelgangers of members of my team. Well, save for that one time. But then again, there's just some alien species were it's impossible to make heads and tails of between them, I don't care how "open minded" you are. But let's stay on point, yeah?

This..."altnerate universe" theory that's all ( Read more... )

So we going to tackle this elephant in the room, or, what?

Because I don't get paid to ignore elephants.